How to Ask for Help After Pregnancy: You Don’t Need to do it Alone
By Alyse Willett, LPC
Congratulations! You and your baby have transitioned from sharing a body to becoming roommates (hopefully without the unappreciated 3:00 AM foot-jabs to the ribs). After the hubbub of delivery and everyone vying for time (and cuddles) with the new baby, it’s completely natural to crave quality time together as a new family. Parents, in-laws, friends, and neighbors may enthusiastically offer you their support when you return home with the newest family member, but you might find yourself thinking “I can’t ask them for help,” despite smiling and nodding your head in agreement. Oftentimes new mothers have thoughts like “I don’t want to be a burden,” or “I should be able to do this alone.” You might even start feeling upset when spending time with your baby, wondering if other moms struggled or if they did it all without help just fine.
Why is it Important to Ask for Help?
We’ve all heard the old adage “It takes a village to raise a child.” Yet somewhere along the way, we’ve forgotten the importance of relying on our village, and as a result so many new parents feel isolated and alone in their struggles, just trying to keep their head above water. It can take a surprisingly short amount of time before feeling overwhelmed, overworked, inadequate, and even hopeless. And while it’s unfair (and untrue) to say those who consistently rely on their community never experience these feelings, having a positive support network, (aka your village), can greatly reduce the everyday stress associated with parenting and give new parents the mental and physical break they often require.
In addition to the practical relief that follows asking for help (e.g. a home cooked meal, clean laundry, etc.), another benefit of relying on your community is the strengthening of the community’s bond itself. Asking family and friends for assistance makes them feel included and appreciated, and provides your child with more access to meaningful relationships during their lifetime. Instead of isolating yourself and new child from loved ones, think about accepting offers of help as an opportunity to deepen those connections, foster your friendships, and strengthen family ties overall.
Okay, I’m Sold: But What Exactly Should I be Asking for Help with?
In the immediate aftermath of bringing a new baby home, you’ll probably find that everyday household tasks are the first to fall by the wayside. When asking for help, consider some of these as possible answers:
Bringing a meal when coming over
Changing the cat litter/walking the dog
Holding the baby so you can take a nap
Cleaning the kitchen
Cleaning the bathroom
Taking out the diaper pail
Running to the store to pick up x, y, or z
Doing a load of laundry
Folding clean clothes that are sitting in the laundry basket
Sitting down and listening to you and what you’re feeling right now
And any other task or daily living activity that can be done for you and your family. Every family looks a bit different, so not all of these suggestions may work for you, but don’t be afraid to be creative and honest when thinking of ways people can help.
Voila! Now Go Forth and Practice Asking for Help
Remember, communities have relied on each other for support since the dawn of our species. It’s natural, healthy, and an opportunity to strengthen your community every time you ask a loved one for help. It’s unfair to expect family and friends to read our minds and know exactly what we need, so you’ll have to give some direct answers whenever you’re asked “how can I help?”
And that’s it! There’s also no need to wait until after the baby arrives before asking for help. Feel free to start practicing now if there is anything you would like assistance with while pregnant (and I’m sure there is). Our team at Behavioral Health Dallas is looking forward to helping you all with more common questions and concerns pregnant women and new moms have. Be on the lookout for updated blogs and videos in the future!