“Is this Normal?” Common Emotional Experiences New Moms Face and When It’s Time to Get Help!

By Katie Sardone, PhD

How should You expect to feel in the postpartum period?

It can be a challenge to know what to expect in the postpartum period especially with so many different, and often unsolicited, opinions flying around! It’s important to set yourself up with realistic expectations so you can make a helpful postpartum coping plan and be able to watch for signs of baby blues.  Here is a quick run-down of some things you can likely expect to experience after delivery: 

• This is difficult!

Having a new baby is SUPER HARD!

• Fatigue

You will be incredibly tired. Probably more tired than you have ever been. The fatigue is related to sleep deprivation, physical recovery from birth and normal stress related to such a big life adjustment. 

• Limited Sleep

New mom’s ability to fall asleep and stay asleep may vary from person to person, but you SHOULD be able to fall asleep when you have the opportunity. If you notice worry or something else getting in the way of falling asleep or staying asleep, tell your doctor right away. 

• Variable Physical Discomfort

There is often some physical discomfort in terms of recovery which is dependent on your birth experience. Women often are surprised by other physical challenges like bleeding or difficulty urinating. Make sure to talk to your doctor about any symptoms that are concerning to you. 

• New Mom-ness

Most women do have difficulty adjusting to the new role of motherhood and THAT’S OKAY! It’s all new and it will take time to start getting to know your baby and building confidence.

• Surprising Challenges

It may be harder than you imagined to give your baby a bath, fix a bottle, or swaddle. Be patient with yourself, you’ll get there!

• Breastfeeding Learning Curve

Breastfeeding is often a challenge for mothers and babies and is a skill that may improve with time and assistance. Consider reaching out to your doctor or lactation consultant with concerns.

• Mild Worry or Sadness

Mild stress or worry related to the baby’s well being or your mothering skills is relatively common, as is passive sad or guilty thoughts for the first couple of weeks. If these thoughts or feelings begin to become persistent or start to impact your ability to perform parenting tasks or daily functions, then you should contact your doctor or mental health professional. 

• Relationship with Baby

Not every mother feels an overwhelming sense of joy when seeing their baby for the first time. There is an adjustment period and it may take time to build that relationship. If, however, you feel detached from your baby or have negative or angry thoughts toward your baby then that would be cause for concern and you should contact your doctor as soon as possible. 

What you can do to help yourself cope in the postpartum period:

• Sleep!

Sleep is the number one behavioral preventative strategy to stave off and or treat postpartum mood concerns. The importance of prioritizing sleep cannot be understated.

• Practical Support

Now is the time to ask for help! I recommend that new moms focus on taking care of their own needs (sleep, drinking water, and eating enough food) and caring for their baby (building a healthy attachment and feeding). It can be helpful to delegate other responsibilities to family members.

• Make sure you’re eating and drinking enough water

You need your energy and hydration! If you are breastfeeding, be sure to be aware of nutrition guidelines. 

• Daily Routine

Try to keep as much of a normal daily routine as possible (e.g., eat around the same times each day and close the blinds and keep your home dark at night and light during the day).

• Make sure your expectations are realistic 

Often women don’t realize they had an “expectation” of the postpartum period until it is upon them and “not what they thought it would be.” 

• Daily hygiene and self-care

This can be as simple as getting out of bed, taking a shower and making time for breakfast and a hug from your partner. 

• Spend daily time out of your home 

Even if just for a short walk, it’s helpful to get out in nature and change your environment, maybe even talk to a neighbor! 

How do You know if You’re experiencing the baby blues or postpartum depression? 

The baby blues is a specific period of time, 0 – 14 days after delivery, in which most women (50-70%) experience transient mood symptoms including sadness, irritability, tearfulness, anxiety, loneliness and distractibility. These symptoms should be mild to moderate in severity and should not involve thoughts of wanting to harm yourself or your baby. 

If symptoms persist beyond two weeks following delivery or are interfering with functioning, then it is recommended that you meet with a mental health professional for evaluation of postpartum mood concerns. Postpartum depression can involve a variety of symptoms and does not look the same for everyone, however, some signs to watch for include: 

• Excessive worry

• Irritability/Short Temper

• Rejection of baby/limited interaction

• Hopelessness

• Feeling Overwhelmed 

• Panicked

• “Scary Thoughts” (i.e., intrusive alarming thoughts that are frightening to you)

• Decreased interest in relationships/social withdrawal

• Excessive anger

• Thoughts of wanting to harm yourself or your baby

When you need to call a professional

• When?

  • When you start to notice that the mood, anxiety, lack of sleep or other concerns are getting in the way of functioning or daily satisfaction, it’s time to talk to a professional. Women often wait to call a professional until their symptoms are in the moderate to severe range and at that point it can take longer and be more challenging to treat. It is better to be on the safe side and contact a professional early in order to prevent symptoms from worsening.

  • Importantly, if at any point symptoms involve thoughts of wanting to harm yourself or your baby, then it is essential to contact your physician or go to the nearest emergency room right away. You may call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255.

• What?

  • Therapy 

Individual therapy is often recommended in conjunction with medication, but can certainly be effective on its own, depending on the type and severity of symptoms. When you go in for an initial evaluation, your mental health professional should be able to identify the primary areas of concern and outline treatment recommendations and a plan for you. The good news is that postpartum mood concerns can get better with treatment!

• Medication

Medication is often recommended in conjunction with therapy. Speak with your medical provider about medication options or a possible psychiatry referral. 

• Support Groups

There are many excellent professionally lead support groups or peer-to-peer support groups available which allow moms to share experiences with others going through similar challenges. These groups can be beneficial in both in-person and online formats. 

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

• How?

  • Consider asking your primary care physician, ob-gyn, or midwife for a referral for a psychologist or psychiatrist who treats perinatal mood concerns. 

  • Postpartum Support Helpline: 1 (800) 944-4773

Postpartum Support International is a great resource for finding local professionals.