Introducing a Sibling
By Margaret Vadiee, MA, PhD
“You’re going to be a big sister! You’re going to be a big brother!” Breaking the news is often so exciting, but then you are faced with the reality of how you are going to explain what that really means. More importantly you are faced with the daunting question of how you are going to foster the new sibling relationship. Let’s talk about how to break the news during pregnancy, how to set expectations and then what to do when you actually come home with a new baby.
Breaking the news
It’s time to tell your child about the new baby on the way! How should you tell them? You can share the news in a way that feels genuine to you. The meaning behind the message is what matters most. It can be especially helpful to let your child know that your love for them will not change. Just because there is a new baby to love, doesn’t mean your love for them is limited in any way.
Set honest and realistic expectations for your child. Let them know that the baby will need a lot of mommy’s time when they are little. That doesn’t mean the baby is more important, it just means they need a lot of mom and dad’s help. The baby will really just eat, sleep, and cry in the beginning. As the baby grows, they will become someone that you can play with, but that will take time.
How should the sibling interact with the baby?
With regard to physical touch, tell your child that we use gentle, kind hands with the baby. You can practice on a baby doll or stuffed animal. Babies like looking at smiles and silly faces. Offer to smile and make silly faces together with the baby when you want to laugh together. Verbally, let your child know that we use a quiet voice around the baby. Sometimes we can use a sing-song voice around the baby. Babies like quiet, sweet, sing-song voices!
The baby is here!
Let your child know that the baby is not going to know how to do many things. If your child wants to, they can help teach the baby. Give your child a special job during activities that revolve around the baby. For example, your child can help you get a burp cloth when feeding the baby. Praise your child when you see them interacting with the baby in a way you like. This will make them want to keep doing it. Try to avoid keeping baby and sibling separate because this might cause frustration for the sibling. Instead, focus on how to encourage positive time together – even if they are playing independently near each other.
Is this normal?
It is normal for siblings to regress a little when the baby is brought home. Your child may act more like a baby, and maybe even have accidents despite being potty trained. This regression is a normal emotional reaction, and usually just means they are adjusting to something new and need a little more attention from mom or dad during that time. You often don’t need to correct the regressive behavior and disciplining the behavior may make it worse. In fact, the regression will often resolve itself. Think of it like your child’s way of working through something difficult and trying to make sense of things. If you are concerned, or the regressive behavior is not self-correcting with a little more attention, consult with your pediatrician and/or a mental health professional.