The Myth of the Supermom

By Alyse Willett, LPC

Many of us have an image of “the supermom,” or the mom who magically does it all perfectly with a smile on her face, a clean home, and a happy baby who coos and babbles and is never inconsolable. The supermom manages the challenges of being a parent effortlessly and certainly doesn’t resemble a sleep-deprived zombie. Supermom is in a state of perpetual parental bliss and loves everything about being a mother. She is ever patient, ever graceful, and manages to do everything right without sacrificing her womanhood in the process. 

Picture Perfect, Right?

Today’s digital landscape has done little to improve this myth. And while not all social media is outright fake, it’s most definitely curated. “Highlight reels” is a term that nicely summarizes the plethora of images parents are relentlessly bombarded with, the consequences of which frequently include low self-worth, sadness, and feelings of failure for those who adhere to unrealistic expectations of parenthood. 

This glorification of mothering is nothing short of fiction, often damaging to new and experienced mothers alike. One of the more psychologically damning outcomes of these curated images is the belief that the “perfect mother” exists. The perfect mother is never defined – rather our imaginations are allowed to make assumptions about this mother based on images curated by a computer algorithm. Our psyches may project our own fears and anxieties when creating our version of the perfect mother. Because there’s no counter-balance to these curated images (e.g. the messy kitchen or multiple outfit changes due to excessive spit-up stains), our minds assume we are alone in our struggles, or that other people have managed to do everything right while we have done nearly everything wrong. 

Picture (Im)Perfect: The Antidote

The sooner we embrace our humanity – the messy, imperfect, mistake-riddled thing that it is – the sooner we can break free of unrealistic (aka fictitious) expectations about motherhood that strip us of our ability to be joyous in the here-and-now. To be human is by nature to be flawed; but it also means to have compassion for ourselves and the desire to do better, knowing full-well mistakes will be made.

You will never be a perfect mother because the perfect mother is a fabrication.

In the same vein, you will never have perfect children or a perfect significant other. And what a relief it is to throw-away perfection. By embracing our imperfect humanity, we can model to our children how to appropriately deal with mistakes and missteps. By being witness to our flaws and attempts to rectify them, we can teach our children about self-compassion and that it’s okay to not be perfect.