The Languages of Love
By Sarah Hosseini, PsyD
What Are Love Languages?
The ways in which people feel and experience love greatly varies. Love languages describe the different ways people express and receive love in relationships. While one may rely on the use of multiple love languages, each individual tends to have a preference for how they receive love from others as well as how they express love to others. Additionally, one’s preference for how they receive love may differ from how they tend to express it. Similar to spoken language, it is important to communicate using love languages that others are fluent in for your love to be best understood and appreciated.
The five primary love languages are quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and gifts.
Someone whose love language is quality time enjoys time spent with others while having their undivided attention.
Words of affirmation is a verbal expression of affection, praise, encouragement, or appreciation.
Physical touch involves physical affection, such as holding hands, cuddling, and a general desire to be in close physical proximity to those they care for.
Someone whose love language is acts of service enjoys when others lend a helping hand or perform more practical acts of kindness such as running errands or helping with the dishes.
Gift giving involves enjoyment of both receiving a present and the thought and effort that went into selecting the present.
How Can Love Languages Impact Relationships?
Love languages are a form of communication within a relationship (e.g. romantic, friendship, family). If two individuals have a mismatch in their preferred love languages, it can make it difficult to relate to and understand one another. For example, if I prefer to express love through gift giving but my partner prefers to receive love through quality time, I may end up feeling unappreciated by my partner after buying them a plethora of gifts if they find that expression of love to be less meaningful. I may then find myself overcompensating by buying even more gifts as a means of more clearly expressing my love for my partner; however, this would be similar to speaking French very loudly to an individual who only speaks English. Unless we overcome the language barrier, our attempts to communicate will likely remain misunderstood.
By identifying your love language and those of individuals close to you, you can be intentional about communicating love in a way that can be clearly interpreted, understood, and appreciated.
Committing to learning one another’s love languages promotes selflessness, builds intimacy, and allows love to be shared in a more meaningful way.
References:
Chapman, G. D. (2010). The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Chicago: Northfield Pub.