Returning to Work After Baby: A Practice in Expectation Management

By Alyse Willett, LPC

If you’re like the 77.5% of mothers with children under the age of 6, you’re likely expected to return to work after maternity leave, or will consider returning to work at some point in the future (U.S. Department of Labor Statistics, April 2021). While the idea of returning to work may result in an excess of mixed emotions, there are several things to consider which will likely ease this transitional period for you and your child.

There’s No “Normal” Way to Feel About Returning to Work

However you feel about returning to work, know that your emotions are likely completely normal. Many women feel excited about the prospect of resuming their career, especially if working provides a sense of validation, economic security, and enjoyment. Looking forward to work doesn’t mean you don’t love your child as much as other moms or that you won’t miss them while away. People are allowed to find satisfaction from multiple sources, without one detracting from the other.

Conversely, if you find yourself feeling sad at the prospect of returning to work, that’s also normal. It can be very difficult going from spending all day with your little one to a full day in the office. Many working moms find their feelings regarding their jobs and children fluctuate depending on the season of life, so however you feel now might not be true down the road.

Establishing Boundaries (Personal and Professional)

If it’s not already apparent, returning to work as a mother will look much different than working as a non-parent. Staying late at the office to finish up last minute project details, scheduling an evening client, or even after-work happy hours may not be as regularly scheduled compared to pre-motherhood. Unlike before, you have a tiny human who is completely dependent on others to meet their basic needs. And those child care professionals currently watching your baby have lives and families outside of their jobs as well, and expect you and your partner to be mindful of their working hours.

All of this is to say, it’s okay to say “no” when asked to do something work-related that would leave you or your child vulnerable. You can also prepare your supervisors and coworkers ahead of time by explaining any changes to your availability (and when you’re not available). Good boundaries don’t start and end at the office, however. Be mindful of not checking your phone or computer for work-related issues when at home and “off the clock,” especially if doing so takes away from time with your child or partner. Unless your job requires you to be on-call during certain times, that work-email or phone call can likely wait until start of next business day.

Scheduling Times to Pump (If Continuing to Breast Feed)

If you plan to continue nursing once maternity leave ends, you’ll want access to a breast pump and private location where you can pump uninterrupted for roughly 20-25 minutes (add on an extra 5 or 10 minutes to however long you pump for to account for re-adjusting clothing, putting milk away, and cleaning pump accessories). If you don’t already have a pump, contact your health insurance agency as many insurance providers will cover the partial or total cost of a pump and accessories. If you have the means to acquire a second pump, you may want to consider leaving one at the office to minimize lugging gear back and forth.

Block off time in your work calendar for pumping. Not only will this increase the likelihood of you pumping, doing so can prevent pumping from becoming a point of stress if it’s built into your schedule (and not just limited to emotional distress: prolonged periods between pumping can become physically painful and result in unwanted leakage).

Lastly, federal law requires employers to provide both break time and a “place other than a bathroom, that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from co-workers and the public” for nursing employees. If you don’t have a private office, it is absolutely within your rights as an employee to ask about a private lactation room.

Be Kind and Patient with Yourself

Returning to work after having a baby is a tough adjustment even in the best-case scenario. You will have moments where it feels impossible to be both a present, attentive mother and the most productive employee. It’s important to keep in mind that every working parent has felt this way at various points in their lives, and for many (probably most) working families, there will continue to be moments where it feels impossible. Figuring out a work-life balance as a parent is an adjustment that requires experience and plenty of support along the way.  Prioritizing your new role as a parent, establishing healthy boundaries, and advocating for your federally protected rights as a working mother will all assist in this transitional process.