Intimacy After Childbirth

By Anna Thomas, PhD

What will my sex life look like after I have my baby?

For many women, the six-week postpartum exam with their Ob-Gyn or Midwife addresses the practical question of “am I able to have intercourse?” However, the idea or experience of sex might be different after someone gives birth. Your body has undergone major changes and you have gone through a significant life transition (even if it is not your first time having a baby). There are likely changes in both you and your partner and in your relationship that can impact intimacy. 

Common Major Concerns

Painful Sex After Childbirth

One of the major concerns for women is that they may find the experience of sex painful after childbirth. This could be related to an episiotomy or changes in your pelvic floor muscles. Some of this pain should resolve or get better with time. However, if you find pain that persists, you could connect with your Ob-Gyn or other health care provider to consider options for addressing these concerns. For example, they may connect you with a physical therapist (PT) who can assist with pelvic floor rehabilitation. 

Vaginal Dryness

You may also recognize changes in vaginal dryness due to changing hormones, especially in women who are breastfeeding. This might be the time to consider a water-soluble lubricant or to consider a referral to your healthcare provider who may offer additional options. This is not the only concern for breastfeeding women, nursing mothers may also experience leaking of milk during sex. They may find more comfort wearing a bra or having a towel nearby during intimate encounters. Leaking of urine could be an additional concern for a postpartum mom – and this concern can also be addressed by an Ob-Gyn or physical therapist. These physical changes can be uncomfortable, embarrassing and certainly be a “mood killer” for some.

Changes in Physical Shape & Sexual Preferences

Women may find their physical shape or sexual preferences are different postpartum. You may notice changes in your desire which is certainly impacted by exhaustion and energy level (hello, newborn life!). We sometimes go into “survival mode” with a new baby and focus on meeting our very basic and essential needs including sleeping, eating, and taking care of the baby. That does not leave a lot of room or time for sexual intimacy. You may need more physical space or find that you are thinking or desiring sex less often than before. 

You are not alone.

I always encourage patients to remember that these are not uncommon experiences. In fact, you may even find that your partner is also experiencing changes in their physical or sexual functioning, energy level or desire as well. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself above all, and consider increased communication of your needs with your partner. These conversations should not be a one-time discussion and should probably happen outside of the bedroom as well as in the bedroom to be most productive. While there can be some grief, trepidation and other negative thoughts and emotions about these physical and emotional changes, I encourage my clients to reframe their thoughts about them. What if you saw the postpartum period as an opportunity to rediscover yourself, perhaps find new connection with your own pleasure and with your partner? 

There are many resources for those struggling with sexual concerns and I encourage you to seek additional support through your medical provider or find a trained mental health professional.