Maternal-Infant Bonding

By Margaret Vadiee, MA, PhD

Babies can’t talk about their feelings.  We know this, and often because of that, we don’t really think we can do much for baby’s mental health.  But, we can!  Did you know that there are actually concrete things that you can do in the first year of your baby’s life to foster your baby’s mental health?  Developing a bond with you is good for your baby’s mental health.

Attachment

When we think about a baby’s mental health, we think about their attachment or relationship to their parent(s) or caregiver(s).  Maybe you’ve heard the word attachment, or maybe this is a word your doctors and baby books haven’t covered.  What is it?  Experts on attachment describe it as a “deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across space and time” (Ainsworth, 1973; Bowlby, 1969).  Attachment develops in the context of a relationship.  It involves two basic components: the parent supporting the child’s cues for independence and the parent supporting the child’s cues for seeking nurturance and comfort.  

Baby’s Signals

How do I know my baby wants nurturance and comfort?  Most babies indicate that they want comfort from their parent by calling out to them.  This may look like your baby crying for you, clinging onto you, or reaching for you.  It is natural and normal for your baby to cry and reach out for you.  It’s actually wonderful for your baby to seek comfort from you, even if it’s through the method of crying.  As the baby gets older, seeking comfort and nurturance may look like your baby crawling or walking towards you.

Responding to Baby’s Signals

What should I do when my baby shows those signs?  The best thing you can do is to be responsive.  When you respond to your baby, you are showing them that you are there for them and want to meet their needs.  Consistently responding to meet their needs is one of the best to build a strong attachment.  You may be thinking to yourself… are you sure it’s not too much to always respond?  We are sure!  It is actually a myth that you can spoil an infant by responding too much.

Can you really set the stage for mental health that early?

Yes, yes, yes!  Research shows that baby’s attachment with their parents is beneficial across a range of areas.  Paying attention to attachment signals and responding consistently is associated with short term and long-term benefits like positive social skills, academic achievement, emotional development, and more.  It’s a great way to set your baby up for success.

I had no idea about this and my kids are older.  Did I mess up?

There is no need to worry!  Research has shown that there is not a critical period for attachment.  That means that you can work on attachment with your child throughout their childhood.  If you have questions about attachment with your child of any age, talk to a mental health professional or pediatrician.